Advance directives

Don’t Leave This Resolution Off of Your List

Betsy ClarkLeave a comment

Ah, New Year’s Day, a new beginning, a fresh start! I’m pretty sure most of us are good with moving on from 2020, it was certainly an… unusual year. But that was then; this is now. Things will be new, shinier, better!

Making resolutions for the New Year is a time-honored tradition meant to bring us hope and the determination to do better, to be better, to make positive changes in our lives. No matter that our success rate in years past has been less than stellar, we are determined to get back up and try again. My goals are the same as they have been in years past; to be more disciplined in mind and body by developing good, consistent habits, and to refuse to listen to the persistent little voice that wants to remind me that I have failed in the past and will fail again this time. I will instead admit that I need help and look for spiritual guidance and strength, as well as the support and encouragement of those who love and care about me. As much as I value independence, I have to acknowledge my weaknesses and lean on the strength of my God, my family, and my friends.

So today I will pray, and listen, and develop my plan for this brand new year and into the future. If you are doing the same, I hope that completing your advance directives is on your list if you don’t have them done already. You may think you have plenty of time to get around to it later and you probably do. But you might not. If 2020 taught us anything, it’s that we have no idea what’s coming next. Download a simple form that’s legal in your state or buy this book to help you to decide what’s most important to you and what to do about it. It’s a resolution that you can follow through on and you’ll be so darned glad that you did.

May 2021 be a healing blessing to us all.

Accepting the Role of Health Care Surrogate

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In the book, I covered the importance of choosing a health care surrogate that you can trust to be strong enough to ensure that your wishes for your end-of-life care are honored. It’s an important choice that many people fail to consider completely. We tend to choose from our children or close relatives without thinking about how they may react under pressure in a highly emotionally charged moment. I explained why I chose one of my daughters-in-law with a close friend for backup instead of one of my sons or a sibling. I am confident that they both have the emotional strength to make decisions that adhere to my stated wishes in my advance directives. This is a good article on accepting this role that would be great to share with anyone you are considering as your surrogate. (The article calls it medical power of attorney which is just another term for the same thing.) Whether you be the asker or the askee, choose well.

 

 

A Sadly Familiar Story

Betsy ClarkLeave a comment

I was at an outdoor, socially-distanced birthday party for one of my seven grandchildren recently and one of the parents was asking me for prayer for a friend and her family. The friend’s father was in ICU, intubated, and the subject of tube feeding had been broached. The mom and siblings were all a wreck because they couldn’t agree on what was best so they were looking to the medical staff for guidance. You guessed it, Mom and Dad had never discussed such an uncomfortable topic, much less done any advance directives or appointed anyone as healthcare surrogate. Nobody really had a clue what Dad would want or not want. Nobody would speak up and withhold procedures that were probably futile and were definitely uncomfortable and more likely downright painful.

I saw this scenario play out so many times, even with hospice patients. Death is inevitable for us all, but when hospice is involved one ought to at least think about how they want things to go at the end and let somebody know. It can be difficult to do but it’s such a kindness to those who love you and those who are caring for you and them. There are resources available. Buy my book, search online, ask a chaplain or contact your local hospice. Don’t wait to make it a New Year’s resolution, do it today!