I was at an outdoor, socially-distanced birthday party for one of my seven grandchildren recently and one of the parents was asking me for prayer for a friend and her family. The friend’s father was in ICU, intubated, and the subject of tube feeding had been broached. The mom and siblings were all a wreck because they couldn’t agree on what was best so they were looking to the medical staff for guidance. You guessed it, Mom and Dad had never discussed such an uncomfortable topic, much less done any advance directives or appointed anyone as healthcare surrogate. Nobody really had a clue what Dad would want or not want. Nobody would speak up and withhold procedures that were probably futile and were definitely uncomfortable and more likely downright painful.
I saw this scenario play out so many times, even with hospice patients. Death is inevitable for us all, but when hospice is involved one ought to at least think about how they want things to go at the end and let somebody know. It can be difficult to do but it’s such a kindness to those who love you and those who are caring for you and them. There are resources available. Buy my book, search online, ask a chaplain or contact your local hospice. Don’t wait to make it a New Year’s resolution, do it today!